Life

Well, I don't know. I enjoy the way it is most of the time, even though I acknowledge problems with the world and obvious improvements that could be made. I just don't see myself ever making a measurable difference. I'm generally almost overwhelmed when something works out the way I want it to, so much so that the smallest of things will keep me quite satisfied and from jumping in front of a train.

When something goes wrong it's generally not worse than I expected, so I guess that tells you a thing to two about how bad my general expectations are in life: as long as anything goes even remotely the way I'd like it to, I'll have something to smile about. It also helps when you don't make plans or expect things to work out in your favor.

And when everything does go wrong, there's always relief in knowing one day you won't have to deal with it anymore.

omnia mea mecum porto

I can't live in this castle
The halls are hollow
your whispers echo
Everything's so big,
won't fit in a pocket
not even your hands

A room is enough
The walls like arms
holding on tight
won't let go
of your hands


won't fit in a pocket
not even your hands

Power

I don't, however, know for sure how 'depressing' the fact, that I derive some of the greatest comfort from ending my own life, is.

Shouldn't there be a 'cheerier' way to restore faith in having control over ... life?

Remember when...

there was too much time
the summers would never end
somehow everything was better
someone would always cook for you
a little money was more than enough

silly rules could be overcome with age
the worst enemies... weren't
endless patience was that of another
you didn't have to, you could
you couldn't, you were going to

Did you; are you?

I love you

Being a douchebag helps contribute to meaning the good things.

Feeling wealthy

I can afford to arbitrarily choose in which time zone to spend the day. No amount of money or material possessions can compare to what I have.