Rocking the balance

Probably should have worked harder all those times people told me to. Not that hard work will pay off in the end, but having done something differently i may have ended up somewhere else. someone else. sometimes it's so tempting to think there are no alternatives and knowing what's around every corner is comforting in a way. History repeating itself; all you have to do is find the recurring pattern[s] and everything becomes a routine you [can] repeat without really being there. i wouldn't be able to tell you where i go, if you asked. i don't wonder most of the time; i wait. most of life is spent waiting. but i will wait.

Life is in many ways what i am learning now. changes all the time, whimsical in its directions; making plans is useless, but the roads are long and they go on for years ahead - consequences of the paths you take are no more concealed than they ever were. but i am always looking for the first appealing exit off this highway, and i'm not as hesitant to take it as i used to be. maybe i say things to convince myself more than anybody else, and as long as there is a reason - any i can find at all - i don't know how much there is lying, how much it matters, how much i can bring myself to understand why people are so upset so much of the time. how upset i am sometimes by the trivial. but most of all, why, and how that does not come across and how much i don't bother with clarifications.

I want to tear everything down to begin.
knowing how it works does not matter;
knowing that it does does.

Conclusions

I miss home, but don't know where it is
anymore

There are certain(ties that cannot be put into words,)
conversations i do not know how to have;
like math class in 7th grade and my teacher stressing it's
not enough to know the result
but i still cannot show you how i got to the outcome

Remember when...

there was too much time
the summers would never end
somehow everything was better
someone would always cook for you
a little money was more than enough

silly rules could be overcome with age
the worst enemies... weren't
endless patience was that of another
you didn't have to, you could
you couldn't, you were going to

Did you; are you?

At the corner of Nostalgia and Change street/

Your eyes in the rearview mirror; fixed

Jokes made for tears
hugs. home. breakfast-

not watching you sleep at night;
hearing you breathe

Offense turned into compliment

no lists; no demands
no expectations
will always come home to you

to do; not to to overanalyze

(un)Learning

Most of the time, school doesn't seem worth it.

Don't trust your school books.
They don't teach you that, but
they do teach you to learn by heart.

Only a severely bad learning method, if the things you've spent years memorising need to be spent unlearning after graduation day.

When learning a new language, even if the goal is to learn how to speak and write in a grammatically correct way, I see no excuse for blatantly misdefining words, even - especially - the ones of which we're already supposed to know the meaning.

If we're already assumed to know the definition, it surely isn't demanding too much of us to assume we can handle sentences elaborate enough to explain it correctly?

Really, the only way to pass the time is to participate, but even then your nightmare of a teacher constantly turns their back on you to bug the one student who hasn't even bothered buying the course book.

This one goes out to my mother who bothered investing in private teachers.
This one goes out to all my foreign teachers, who knew what they were doing, even when I had no clue.
This one goes out to all the friends, strangers, people I've never even met, who have taught me, keep teaching me and will teach me what school never can.

This one goes out to myself, who was dumb enough not to question and fight against the good life.

Wow,

My room has a floor again. I'm so sick of owning all this useless shit.