Friendship

I've spent a great deal of time not at all understanding it. I don't know how much of it was fear of commitment to my immediate surroundings and all sorts of nightmare-like scenarios in my head slowing me down. I'm still not too confident in saying I have fully grasped even the few characters that I have cast to play the roles of my friends on this great stage of life, but I don't feel as lost anymore. I have at least learned to distinguish some of the patterns and even if I don't really understand the rules behind them completely, it helps in playing my part some of the time. Sometimes I forget my lines though.

The dreadful realization I have made looking at the bigger picture is that these people shape my existence to a greater extent than I would ever have imagined. I'd like to say it's kind of nice too, but I can't. Not right now anyway. I'm okay with it for the most part though. I just need to figure out how to deal with it or maybe what I need to figure out is that there's nothing to deal with in the first place. I'd be okay with that really.

I'm usually pretty okay with how things are.

But really, I don't know how to deal with all the countless variables and the potential butterfly effect of a retarded joke snowballing my life out of control. Especially when I'm way too lazy at clearing up obvious misconceptions and thrive on a bit of chaos. I do have one wish. Please don't ruin my life. I'd like to think that is a reasonable thing to ask and I am asking nicely.

Thank you for your co-operation.

On being a creep

The more I stop to think about being romantic and creepiness and how fine the line between the two is, the more horrified I become to realize what a creep lives inside me. On the upside, it helps me in appreciating the creepy gestures I've witnessed and heard other people commit. Like when I realized that cancer is simply your body's production of new cells going overboard and AIDS is not a horrible boogeyman eating you from the inside, but your natural defence system shutting down.

It's really not as bad as people make it out to be.

Half the time I don't know how to separate the two, because really, I don't see the difference.

Hey, buying people plant vaginas is okay!

And yet, the very thought of staring at a sleeping person makes me so incredibly uncomfortable. Why would you do that?

As much as I'm sure there are situations in which fear is a useful reaction in your body, it's much more of an inconvenience a lot of the time. I want to (want to) understand why people are so scared, but ... the indifference and distance are making it overly demanding to finish this thought.

[like when] I always get sweaty hands and my body starts caving in at the most incovenient times. It's funny, I don't think anybody notices unless they [have to] take my hand. There's something endearing about a person who takes it like a man - being either party, but then you would only know if you've been there. I have! and they will never know this, because I wouldn't know how to be subtly creepy about it; not a forte of mine.

People

All the broken machinery gathered over time
well if you cannot fix it

there's always tomorrow
room for another robotic surgery

parts of your personality amputated
thank you for your donations

consequences will never be the same;
neither will you

distractions, the likes of local anesthesia, so
you won't have to worry;

miss the spare parts that
have been collected

the waste land that is you
my precious R2-D2


maybe upgrade your software tomorrow

A world of [great] possibility

wanted to write a whole new chapter
about us, but
keep coming back to:
it' easier not to

wanted to punch life in the face
for us, but
keep coming back to:
these metaphores


the moments, when
every option is perfect
each path the right one






Young journalist: Everything you say is contradictory. You can't have been in one place and another at the same time. Of all those lives, which one is the right one?

Nemo Nobody aged 118: Each of these lives is the right one! Every path is the right path. Everything could have been everything else and it will have just as much meaning.

Instead of trying to make a list, I'll try this

Apparently a stolen couch does not help one at a lack of words, but it's amazing how little things you don't care all that much about make all the difference in the world, when you're not surrounded by the four familiar walls you're used to. The thing that's most concerning I suppose is that anything I might have to say hasn't really been practiced in any way and rehearsing never felt all that appealing. Basically I'm causing obstacles for myself here.

Basically I produce large amounts of shit.