what could possibly go wrong?

If it fits, it may as well have been intentional. and

if it wasn't, what's the harm in a little play pretend?

what i mean is, how are you going to know your limits, unless you go too far?

Rocking the balance

Probably should have worked harder all those times people told me to. Not that hard work will pay off in the end, but having done something differently i may have ended up somewhere else. someone else. sometimes it's so tempting to think there are no alternatives and knowing what's around every corner is comforting in a way. History repeating itself; all you have to do is find the recurring pattern[s] and everything becomes a routine you [can] repeat without really being there. i wouldn't be able to tell you where i go, if you asked. i don't wonder most of the time; i wait. most of life is spent waiting. but i will wait.

Life is in many ways what i am learning now. changes all the time, whimsical in its directions; making plans is useless, but the roads are long and they go on for years ahead - consequences of the paths you take are no more concealed than they ever were. but i am always looking for the first appealing exit off this highway, and i'm not as hesitant to take it as i used to be. maybe i say things to convince myself more than anybody else, and as long as there is a reason - any i can find at all - i don't know how much there is lying, how much it matters, how much i can bring myself to understand why people are so upset so much of the time. how upset i am sometimes by the trivial. but most of all, why, and how that does not come across and how much i don't bother with clarifications.

I want to tear everything down to begin.
knowing how it works does not matter;
knowing that it does does.

Feelings

one size for all;
like a sweater that just won't fit

The Euro

I remember when it first came; the first time I went to the store and got myself some cents in exchange for my "old" money and how exciting it was to hold those shiny new coins in my hand, even though a part of me didn't really want to switch. For a long time, in fact I think all the way up until very recently, I would convert amounts of money on and off to ridicule the thought of how much more everything costs nowadays.

I feel like those old people stuck in the past, except it's probably worse. I can't even properly remember how much most things cost in my childhood. What I do remember is how suddenly having a 20 euro bill was more than the 100 bill you had had in marks, and how cool it was to have all of that freshly printed money that could get you "more for less".

And now, now I have utterly grown tired of this boring currency that does no good. There is no longer any comfort to be found in the thought that when you cross the borders of your country to another, you will not have to convert one currency to another and think about these things.

A world of [great] possibility

wanted to write a whole new chapter
about us, but
keep coming back to:
it' easier not to

wanted to punch life in the face
for us, but
keep coming back to:
these metaphores


the moments, when
every option is perfect
each path the right one






Young journalist: Everything you say is contradictory. You can't have been in one place and another at the same time. Of all those lives, which one is the right one?

Nemo Nobody aged 118: Each of these lives is the right one! Every path is the right path. Everything could have been everything else and it will have just as much meaning.

Hatred

I (probably) have lots of unresolved hate issues.

I don't really care about getting to know new people, it sucks always having to repeat the same stories and tell people the same things about yourself. I say I don't know why I bother, and really, most of the time I wonder, because I really don't know. It's so disappointing all too often. I hate you all.

[but the list is no more]

Hiding in plain sight

Maybe I'm unhappy, because I'm tired and my fatigue is ultimately due to my laziness. The best way I know how to fix this is by sleeping, but right now I don't feel tired enough to sleep and have dreams about French airports and misplaced luggage and buying pear marmelade packed in plastic pumpkins that you can find at shopping malls hidden beneath the subway; running and trying to find the words to express myself in French and that obnoxious girl from school standing naked across the room explaining how good pornography is made.

I wish these months passed by faster...