(un)Learning

Most of the time, school doesn't seem worth it.

Don't trust your school books.
They don't teach you that, but
they do teach you to learn by heart.

Only a severely bad learning method, if the things you've spent years memorising need to be spent unlearning after graduation day.

When learning a new language, even if the goal is to learn how to speak and write in a grammatically correct way, I see no excuse for blatantly misdefining words, even - especially - the ones of which we're already supposed to know the meaning.

If we're already assumed to know the definition, it surely isn't demanding too much of us to assume we can handle sentences elaborate enough to explain it correctly?

Really, the only way to pass the time is to participate, but even then your nightmare of a teacher constantly turns their back on you to bug the one student who hasn't even bothered buying the course book.

This one goes out to my mother who bothered investing in private teachers.
This one goes out to all my foreign teachers, who knew what they were doing, even when I had no clue.
This one goes out to all the friends, strangers, people I've never even met, who have taught me, keep teaching me and will teach me what school never can.

This one goes out to myself, who was dumb enough not to question and fight against the good life.

Wall of sound

I miss this; if you're part of this, then it'd only be fair to admit I miss you too, occasionally, for brief moments. The way the chords of an acoustic guitar reproduce with my soul, like when you poke fun at me and find the weak spot and I wonder if you know, if you know, do you know. Do you not realize.

You play the piano and you whisper words and when you are quiet there is nothing. I worship you in the silence of that nothingness, the nothing that is everything that it consumes. What I say means nothing, unless they are the words I try to keep from you to prolong whatever we have now.

But you don't know about the violins, they weep when you're gone and compose in your name. The violins that laugh in your presence. The laughter covers everything, blinds my vision and certainly I'll never see enough, if I'm looking in the wrong direction. If it's dark I'll still hear you breathe, are you still there, are you there, you're there, you're close but you're far away; enough just enough.

Excitement I thought I'd never feel again, but I'm still doing it upside-down and I think I'm happy. I'm glad. I'm content.

Thoughts on urges;

completely destroying everything. [...] how much damage could I really cause by saying something?

I'll inevitably explore unknown waters disregarding any voice of reason whatsoever. This has made me a sad panda in the past, but it has also created countless exciting, life-changing experiences, which seems to be the best excuse I have for my idiotic behavior.

I'll see you all in...

Scents of life

Sometimes people smell so intoxicating I want nothing more than to sink into their smell so much the whole world fades. Even when such a feeling seems to consume every part of my body, I'm able to feel like throwing up at the very thought of anyone being anywhere near me.

It's rather saddening to be full of desire to tell people about their incredibly awesome traits and characteristics, but being unable to unleash all that when you know it would only cause a terrible mess, since people have the tendency to take things the wrong way and read more into a compliment than should be. I tried not to care for a long time, but now it simply doesn't seem worth it to go through all the trouble.

So all of it goes unsaid.

But maybe it's my fault for giving any of it such great importance, I should perhaps learn not to care so much about anything.

Biologies

I'm taking biology, because I'm a science freak and by science freak I mean I want to make sweet sweet love to you for looking so undeniably sexy. Oh, is that a computer and you know machinecode? Pardon me as I undress. So... you also kind of turn me on when you speak in weird languages I don't understand that well.