I don't know;;;;

what
do
I want +

Taking you by the hand with the most excited look of anticipation, let me tell you let me tell you what is going to happen what is happening what happiness means what knowing what you want means how there is no such thing why we couldn't possibly know when making these agreements for the first time, i wonder how many of us go through our lives never finding out and if there were a measuring tool where i would fall on the scale of not knowing anything,

would i be more than a thermometer sinking into a bottomless ocean,

let me tell you things neither of us will ever understand while we're both inclined to think we are more right than the other, maybe argue a little, debate these views, undress verbally and physically, or redress, red dress, blue dress,

tip toes through this story, eyes lips on fire, ice cold hands.

relations[; hips] & fishing

like a dog chasing cars;
what would i do if i ever caught one?

plenty of fish in the sea

that is my, disinterest in [g]
you r being
boring

and i have respect for your keeping at bay


and wasn't it einstein who defined
insanity as repeating the same experiment expecting
different results?

Mistaking apathy for affection

[Why are we] programmed to only look for evidence to support our
misconceptions
misinterpretations

question mark

Friendship

I've spent a great deal of time not at all understanding it. I don't know how much of it was fear of commitment to my immediate surroundings and all sorts of nightmare-like scenarios in my head slowing me down. I'm still not too confident in saying I have fully grasped even the few characters that I have cast to play the roles of my friends on this great stage of life, but I don't feel as lost anymore. I have at least learned to distinguish some of the patterns and even if I don't really understand the rules behind them completely, it helps in playing my part some of the time. Sometimes I forget my lines though.

The dreadful realization I have made looking at the bigger picture is that these people shape my existence to a greater extent than I would ever have imagined. I'd like to say it's kind of nice too, but I can't. Not right now anyway. I'm okay with it for the most part though. I just need to figure out how to deal with it or maybe what I need to figure out is that there's nothing to deal with in the first place. I'd be okay with that really.

I'm usually pretty okay with how things are.

But really, I don't know how to deal with all the countless variables and the potential butterfly effect of a retarded joke snowballing my life out of control. Especially when I'm way too lazy at clearing up obvious misconceptions and thrive on a bit of chaos. I do have one wish. Please don't ruin my life. I'd like to think that is a reasonable thing to ask and I am asking nicely.

Thank you for your co-operation.