It's just growing pains; just growing pains

I know I only want what I can't have and the only reason I keep coming back for more is because you keep saying no. Don't say Yes just yet.

I've never been more miserable in my life; never felt more alive.

Every time you turn me down a part of me dies.

I know I should go, but no rationalization over this will help me save face and walk away.

I need another mistake that will either make me or break me.

There's a sick longing to crack the foundation of my very being; undo everything I've spent so long carefully building.

I can't even tell if I am hurting because you are or because of you; if there is, ever was, a difference.

Just because it's a mistake doesn't mean it's not worth making; because it's difficult doesn't mean it's not worth pursuing. Because it's reckless and stupid should be enough to stop me, but. I can't keep my hands to myself, can't deny myself the sharp sting of your words and I am terrified by the excitement and thrill of completely destroying myself over nothing.

I guess I might see you on the other side,